Mindfulness

Mindfulness is being fully present and aware of your current experience without overreacting or getting lost in thoughts.

When we interact with other people, or experience events, we tend to get caught up in the moment as one of the actors. Mindfulness, on the other hand, allows us to experience events and interactions as an objective observer. It encompasses the following components.

Reactivity
Judgment
Focus
Presence
Communication
Reflection

Reactivity

Emotional reactivity refers to the tendency to experience intense and immediate emotional responses to people or events, often without considering the context or potential consequences. It involves such things as:

experiencing strong emotions, such as anger, anxiety, or sadness, in response to triggers,
reacting quickly and impulsively to situations, without taking time to process or evaluate them,
overreacting to events or situations that may not warrant such a strong response, and
having trouble controlling or calming down once an emotional response has been triggered.

To be less emotionally reactive:

practice deep breathing to pause before responding,
identify and understand your emotional triggers and prepare a plan for how to react in the future,
practice active listening, and
manage your stress.

1. Ideal-Self

Your ideal self is a list of qualities you would like to have in the future. These qualities should be:

specific and concrete, such as what you know or can do, what you believe, or how you behave, and
oriented around a specific goal, such as career achievements or social goals.

Creating an ideal self may take some research, and feedback from others is usually helpful.

2. Self-Image

Generating a self-image involves going through the list of qualities identified for your ideal self and identifying which you possess and which you do not possess. And remember,

be honest and realistic, and
seek input from others.

3. Gaps

Analyzing the gaps between your ideal self and your self-image isn't quite as simple as it seems. In many cases it won't be as simple as saying "I need it and I don't have it." More often you will be saying, :I have some of it, but is it enough?" As before:

be honest and realistic, and
seek input from others.

4. Priorities

It's not wise to try to change too many things at once. Setting priorities is important. In deciding priorities, consider the following:

the cost of the change in terms of money and resources, time, and commitment,
the likely benefits of the change, and
the likelihood of success.

Proper planning and execution are important, but they don't perform magic. Most of us are not going to be astronauts or the lead singer of a rock band. As always,

be honest and realistic, and
seek input from others.

Judgment

To have the best chance of success in your efforts to change, you need a plan that is concrete and detailed. It should include:

small, manageable steps,
monitoring of progress, and
rewards for success.

1. Small Steps

Make large and intimidating changes manageable by:

setting concrete, achievable milestones, and
breaking down larger steps into smaller steps.

When setting milestones, ask yourself two questions.

Will I be able to tell when I have achieved this?
How will I know when I have achieved this?

If a step still seems intimidating, it probably needs to be broken down further.

2. Monitor Progress

Below are some techniques for monitoring progress.

Recording in a journal each day your thoughts, actions, feelings, and challenges.
In a notebook record each day any instances of new thoughts, feelings, or actions that indicate progress.
Seek feedback from others.

3. Reward Success

When rewarding yourself, consider both intrinsic rewards, such as pride in your accomplishment, and extrinsic rewards, such as treats or other prizes.

Acknowledge your hard work with feelings of pride and satisfaction.
Set up small rewards for milestones, such as taking a longer break or getting a nice coffee after a productive week.
Work toward a bigger, more significant reward for achieving a major goal, like a weekend getaway or a new electronic gadget.
Reward yourself with time for relaxation, like taking a nap, or going for a walk.
Choose rewards that support your goal; for example, if you're trying to exercise more, buy new workout clothes instead of food.
Make it a shared experience: If appropriate, share your reward with someone, like going to a play or concert with a friend.

Focus

To build support for personal change, you can:

connect with others through your existing network,
join communities with similar goals, and
seek professional guidance from a therapist or coach.

It's also important to:

clarify your goals,
create a compelling vision for your future, and
develop personal strategies for managing stress and setbacks.

1. Connect

Talk to friends, family, or colleagues who can offer stability and a listening ear. But always bear in mind the following.

Quality is better than quantity, so just pick a few people you can trust and who are reliable.
Make sure they understand and support your goals.
Be mindful of stress, anxiety, or other pressures that can impact your relationships.

2. Join

Find local or online groups that align with your interests or the change you want to make. Examples include:

a support group for grief,
parenting groups like Hope Inc. (www.hopebe.org), or
hobbyist groups.

3. Seek

A therapist or coach can:

provide structured support,
help you process emotions, and
help you build coping strategies.